Archives.

Caught on TV- Man rescued in a rubberboat asked, "28 na ba ngayon?" Cameraman: "Opo, 28." Man somberly replied, "Bday ko na pala." Rescuers who were paddling hard turned to him in surprise before slowly singing, "ha...ppy.. birth..day... to you..." Even in the midst of devastation the Filipino spirit never ceases to acknowledge and celebrate the gift of life.

GMH.

Old event, but never fails to relive the Filipino patriot I have within me.

Don't hate me.

Dear Blogger,

You have been an immense part of my writing history. Seeing as how this is my second account with you (if you remember, my first one was unused for months and due to a sudden case of selective amnesia, I forgot both the password and e-mail I used), you have been witness to all my writing ups and downs, more of the latter than the former.

I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I haven't been around much, blame Tumblr.

But at the end of the day, it's still you I run to for animosity and as a personal outlet for my insanity.

I still love you, don't hate me.

Love,

me.

Solemn.

I guess that with all the unpredictability and distress a student encounters when she enters highschool, she has 3 things used for combat. Her family, her friends, her God.

Ask me 4 days ago and I would have been feeling tormented from all the pressures and hardships of senior year, but considering that I have been able to go through those 4 days and coming out from it not unscathed but more whole.. then I think it's been nothing but a gift. I for one never really took these 3 seriously, took them for granted more often than not.. but yes, I'm happy now. Because I have them.

Considering my age and my level, people would think that I've experienced a lot more than what normal people my age would undergo, but then, what's a normal life?

Yes, I've went through pain, through anger, through hurt, through happiness, and usually.. through fear. And yes, I've failed and let others fail me; but that didn't end it, because through all those pains, I've allowed love to grow.

Through the hurts, I've learned to forgive.. through the trials, I've learned to surrender myself.. and through the sadness, I've learned to experience exultation.

All because of them.

My family. My friends. My God.

Had to let it out. :)

Maybe in theory - or for homework purposes - People have heard/saw me saying/writing this.. but I guess all of us (in one way or the other) experience it personally.

I just did.

I say that you can only experience Joy when you have had a good dose of Pain.

I had a taste of the former now, and a whole truckload of the latter just a week ago.. and you know what? It feels amazing.

Considering the fact that last week, I was on the verge of throwing it all away, today, I'm on the zenith of happiness, maybe not the hyper happiness.. but the true one..

True happiness as in contentment.

True happiness as in exalting in the jubilance of others.

True happiness as in hearing God saying "Everything will be okay."

I have been impatient, materialistic, even unfaithful at some point..

But today has made me realize why I'm here and who I'm here for.

These are just challenges, just unavoidable circumstances, and I'm ready to fight. Ready to run into battle because I know that with His shield, His armor, His guidance, His protection, and His love.. all of these are just miniscule problems. And if I look at them at the end of all this, I'll be laughing and remembering how naive and ignorant I became, and - ultimately - how mature I turned out to be.

Last week was downtime, this week's turning out good.. I'm praying tomorrow - and the succeeding days - turn out to be the best.

I hope they will. I pray they will. I know they will.

:)

4:34 AM

All impermanent.

All fast paced.

All changing wildly every time.

I want the world to stand still.

Just this one time..

And for once I just want to be heard.

:)

Note: Tomorrow, July 8, at 4:05:06 AM.. the calendar (American - mm/dd/yy) will be 4:05:06 07/08/09. But If you rely on the British Calendar (dd/mm/yy), you'll have to wait 'til the 7th of August. :)

I..

..seriously am itching to watch the Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!

July 15.. come soon. :)

Scrambled Eggs

When I flip through pages of the earlier part of my youth, I see myself happy, carefree and simply amazed with life.. now, my eyes are guarded, cautious, all because I feel vulnerable.

One day when I grow up, I'd like to look back into my past, my posts, my pictures, my life.. and say, "I'm glad I grew up to be like this".

I talk too much, but it never means I won't listen. Because I do. I always will.

Right now my tummy's rumbling, and I don't know why. I'm not hungry.

When all is said and done, I make sure my days I live.. are days I live for Him.

I pray when I don't write. Or type.

A thought..

Sometimes, when I have nothing to do and when all I'm waiting for is drowsiness to consume me.. I gape at the thought of how I merely am a speck of dust in the vastness of the universe.

And this time, at this exact moment, I feel that sometime.

I'm not outstanding, brilliant, perfect.. and that makes me feel like an ant standing next to a blue whale. With all the amazing people around me, I can not compare myself to them, their hugeness next to my nothingness.. their glory next to my flickering - almost fading light.

I don't do things that amaze people. I don't enter a room with people looking at me twice.. I don't even think they notice me entering. I don't have that special ability to make a person laugh because I said something funny. I can't sing, nor can I entertain someone especially when they're down.

But I try.

Everyday I wake up and I say to myself that I will. And everynight I go to bed hoping that atleast a fragment of that day, I made atleast one person feel special.

Sometimes, I feel inadequate, inferior, unworthy.

And sometimes, sometimes become often.

But then I realize, who am I trying to kid? Why must I pretend to be someone I'm not?

At a particular session one day, I found out that I'm only fooling myself to be trying - vainly - to be someone better, someone not me.

You know why?

Because at the end of the day, we don't have to please anyone. Just one. Just God. We don't have to please our peers for them to accept us, we don't have to succumb to whatever pressure they put us into.. we don't have to change ourselves harshly to fit the stereotype our parents set us, we don't have to put people down to achieve what we want..

We just have to be ourselves.

I bet God would want that for us.

As I please.

Listen to me.

When I ask you something.. listen to me.

When I tell you I don't think I'm worthy.. listen to me.

When I confide in you problems I can't sort out for myself.. listen to me.

When I want to shout and cry.. listen to me.

When I say something I know I'll regret.. listen to me.

Listen to me. I don't care if you don't talk.. all I care for is that you listen, and you nod at certain times. Say "ooh" and "aah" at the right places, and whisper "It's okay, it will be okay" at the end of it all.

Just listen to me. I don't need someone who I'll debate with, or someone who will make me rant more, I just need an ear, a couple of ears, to listen for when I need someone to.

Just listen to me.

Because that's what people do. They listen.

I will listen too. To you. When you need me.

For now, all I ask is for you to hear me out.

Jumping Jalapeños!

School's in 5 days and - though this might be an ultra nerdy thing for me to say, which says alot since I AM nerdy.. - I'm excited. :)

This school year.. I shall enter the school grounds with one thought in mind, especially on the first day, "Hello to the beginning of the end!"

Being a student in the same school, in the same country, in the same.. *insert word here, I'm running out of them* is fun; but I don't think I'm ready, nor will I ever be, to leave it once graduation comes. Let's face it, in my 14 years and 350 days of existence.. most of it was spent in the blistering heat of the desert sun and most of that most, at school. I don't think I'm ready to finally say goodbye to it all 10 months from now.

School's not exactly the best thing ever to a student, but it comes pretty close. And when I graduate.. I'm a gatrillion percent sure I'll miss it, the people in it, the people outside, even.

So at a Tuesday.. I say hello to senior year and bye to the final frontier of the most fun school stage ever, HIGH SCHOOL. :)

The way, the truth, and the life.

I posted this in my tumblr account too.. theposterawakens.tumblr.com and I kinda announced there that I usually post different things in the two blogs.. but this will be an exception. :)

I did the shoot, and the photomanipulation.

Soo.. whaddaya think? :)

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.- Philippians 3:13-14

Supercalifra - oh what the heck.

I'm not sure why I took this pic, and I'm not one to explore the remnants of my heart and my mind for when I clicked this picture of God's awesomeness in the form of purple plants.. What I am sure of, however.. is that however nooby the picture is, however un-bokeh'ed it is, and however I did not utilize the autofocus of my dSLR..

I like the pic.

Call it self-praising, ego-boosting, pride-making, upholding, whatever else you can use with -ing at the end..

I like this pic because I do. I don't have to put reasons why, but in this case, I do like it because I don't think it's perfect, I don't even think it's good. But I do because when I saw this plant, I saw God's greatness in it. Period.

What pic do you like? :)

My friends are weird - which makes a gazillion of us.

As I was randomly flipping through pictures which had no relation whatsover to said friend I am going to write about right now.. I remembered what he said to me, and I might say - it was highly condescending for me to be told something like that, it was funny though. ;)

(And of course, as almost 90% of my daily conversations are spoken in the Filipino language, I had to translate - but I did NOT lessen the humor. I assure you.)

This was during our Chem class..

Me: Psst. You know Sebastian Bach?

Him: COURSE I DO!

A classmate: Who's he then?

Him: Only an amazing boxer.

HAHA. Okay. I know that was a mean thing for me to do, but I miss my friends - him especially. It's hard not to. School's in a week (I know, I can't believe it, too) and I'm pretty stoked that it's about to start again.

That last paragraph made me feel nerdy, me being excited for school and all, but it's true. It's my last year in high school and if there's one thing I want this school year to be.. it's this: THE BEST. EVER. That's saying too much, I realize that.. but this is probably the last time I'll be seeing people I grew up with. And I wanna make memories in my heart. Indelible ones. Written with a sharpie. Permanent, clear, and color green.

I won't post a picture today. (INCREDIBLE RIGHT?) And I feel I won't be doing so for every post of mine, maybe just render a few important ones their own important posts. You understand, don't you?

There. I knew you would. :)

Where in the heck is my midnight snack!?

Days have been slowly turning into mashed up pieces of warped up time. I don't remember what day it is anymore, and I'm completely screwed up with all this thingamajigs. It's 5:20 AM in the Philippines.. which means it's 12:20 AM in Qatar.. which means 1:20 AM in Oman and UAE, which means.. ahh, I could go on forever.

But that's not the point of this blog. Oh crap, now I think I don't even think if my blog - which I shall start writing now (wait.. I have started) - will have a point.

Fine. Anyway, I was randomly leafing through the pictures I took this summer vacay and when I saw my cousins (actually, my cousin's children), I remember an incident which happened a little after a week into my parent's arrival.

We were cruising on the car on the way home when the tire popped

, much to the chagrin of everyone, and to the surprise of me - who was comfortable tucked in a wool blanket and typing randomly on my sister's laptop. Good thing the police were there to help us, and mind you, they were fast.. I would've hated being in the sun in that heat, and wearing something hideous.

I was still busy typing - albeit without the blanket, it was hot; frustrated since nothing was seemingly coming out my medulla oblongata, or wherever it is that thoughts come pouring in when I heard my little 6 year old nephew mumble in frustration..

"Hala, tita Joy.. sisikat na tayo sa TV mamaya! :D"

And I translate.. "Tita (or Auntie, whatever) Joy.. we'll be famous later when we're shown in the TV! :D"

Apparently, little kids have this mentality in mind that even the littlest road problems can turn into a heartwarming news coverage.

I think he was disappointed when we got home, still no more famous than who we were when we embarked on the journey.

I love kids. Haha. ;-D

*He's not the nephew, he's a kid though. I was thinking to post actual nephew's picture but decided to spare him his dignity for when he stumbles across this blog when I'm old. XD

OCD. ADHD. JOY.

Lately I have been making attempts - however futile - to unearthen past accounts, revive them, and err, simply reuse them. Boredom does make people do stupid, weird things. And as you can see, I have been attacked by it; boredom; I mean.

Summer's about to end, and I am feeling a mix of apprehension, hesitation, and excitement. The summer's been far from boring, yet.. I usually feel I could've made it better. Should've, in fact. Oh heck, let's face it.. this summer was easily one of the best I've had, I met real good friends, made eternal (hoping against hope) bonds, and helped alot of people. But somehow, a part of me still longs for more enjoyment, more fun. Ohh, I don't know what I want anymore.

A month from now I'll be 15. A month from now I become a senior. A month from now.. I'll be entering the first month of the final fronteir of high school. And I am nervous. Seriously. I really want to do real well this year. :) Pray for me?

Well anyway, I've very recently unleashed the photographer in me, and I'm definitely proud of how things worked out. I have a digital SLR, not top of the line.. mind you, but I would like to think I have the talent. Surely I'm not that bad.

And because of that, I shall constantly post things here in blogger with a picture. My picture. Heh. That sounded.. not right. A picture I took. There. *insert triumphant smile here*

And nooow, I'm definitely rambling, and I'm pretty sure you're not even reading this. But what the hey, let the girl have some fun, eh? :)

Pic of the Day..
Took this in Tagaytay. Check my flickr, fellow blogger. :) [Oh, that did rhyme, didn't that? xD]

Toodles. XOXO.