A wishlist

because I believe that 11:11 isn't the only time that people are entitled to realize that things they dream of can become reality.

(Also, I realize that I haven't been writing properly recently, but I try, I really do.)

Okay *deep breath*, here goes an influx of materialism I know everyone has but is very much manifested in me:

• A new BlackBerry phone. I know most people in my age range regard it as only a means to look mature and/or sophisticated, but I've used my BlackBerry for lots of things from e-mailing to twittering and I sure miss using it. 
• A new camera. I love Boots, my Sony A200, but it's hard to expand your horizons when you can't borrow people's gears. :( Boots will always be my first love, though. Look at the things we've done (these are recent pictures) 

The path on the garden at home.

Ateneo. In front of the Social Science building.

• A Kindle with a hundred books. Just because.
• Good grades for this semester. Also, I have a LOT of things to organize this sem and make sure I accomplish them all.
• World peace.
• A complete family this Christmas? I've been pretty selfish with wanting to come back to Qatar for the yuletide even if it meant my mom coming here to the Philippines and celebrating with my brother and sister. I don't know, I mean, it'd be fine if we weren't physically with each other for Christmas because believe me, it's been about 4 years ever since that last happened.. but it would make a wonderful Christmas. Us being together. Hopefully in Qatar.
• Shoes. Lots and lots and lots and lots of shoes.
• Finish my 365 Day Apple Cider Photography project.

Just rotate him. Isn't he adorable? I mean, for a bear?

• Someone who'll make me believe.
• A backbone not made of jelly and a heart not made of frozen jell-o.

It's sad when you write something about someone

but he will never know (at least not in the dimension you both are in) that he was what you were talking about, dreaming of, wishing for.

You confine yourself to your writing, you subject him to what he does...

And what might have been will never happen.

While I wait for that person to realize that I wrote this for him.

Click link to view my photo stream. (Shameless self-promotion!)

I can never write poetry even if my life depended on it

All I've been wishing for has been happening
you came into my life,
birds sing when I pass them by,
the winds bring me melodies
that only winds can produce.

Everyday I ask myself, what if all these were merely dreams?
That one day I wake up and realize
the wind was really howling
the birds were really mute
you only came to pass by.

But then I conclude,
why dread waking up when I know
that waking up can help me,
maybe not make you stay,
maybe not give birds reason to sing out,
maybe not tame the winds...
but make me realize that somewhere out there,
someone lives for me,
would never leave,
would break out into a wonderful song,
would change me and I him.

I want to...

• passionately believe in something like love. I want to be able to defend it and tell people it's real and it's tangible and it's.. true.
• feel other emotions. I'm sick of the apathy and the rare occasions of gloominess.
• be able to fly and turn back time. And quite possibly freeze it too. To when I was happier and when my biggest problem was forgetting to watch my favourite show.
• make someone smile.
• be alone.
• be with lots of people.
• scream.
• sleep.
• laugh.
• cry.
• not want anything at all.

On randomness

L’esprit de escalier: (French) The feeling you get after leaving a conversation, when you think of all the things you should have said. Translated it means “the spirit of the staircase.”


I guess this would be my favourite foreign word (assuming English isn't a foreign language, else I'd have a truckload full of favourite foreign words). I believe everyone knows what this means, it's when we talk to someone we want to carry a conversation with but then words just dry up and suddenly you can't think of anything to say. After you leave the person you were having a heated argument over something totally random and/or inappropriate with, you begin to mentally slap yourself and say, "Argh. I should've said something else."


It actually is something all of us do, usually without us noticing. We do something we thought would be funny, but then after we hurt someone with our action, we go all, "Shit. I never should've attempted to do that."


It's a cycle. We always unconsciously do things wrong. And then when we look back, we experience this French sensation. We tell ourselves how stupid we were for not doing something or for doing something entirely wrong.

Controversia?

I find it sad how Filipino TV stations never really acknowledge the talents of the people they produce until these artists make it big somewhere else. I don’t know if it’s obvious, but it certainly is for me, especially with regards to Charice Pempengco.

I mean, when she emerged as the 1st runner up of that Little Big Star show, sure, people congratulated her but then the station didn’t really take care of her. A few stints in a couple variety shows and her face was swept off the face of the industry. And not in a good way.

A few months later, when she reemerged as a budding young Asian pop star, the station which completely disregarded her suddenly become all stuck-up exclaiming that they were the ones who made her and stuff.

I don't mean to be all controversial and goody-goody here (heck, I know I don't like her that much), but I guess it just is unfair because everything she is now was practically because of what she's done. 

I hate not being able to sleep before midnight

Usually when the clock strikes 12, I become one of two things. The first, utterly hyper, and second, slightly lonely. 


No, I'm not insomniac, I guess I naturally have a screwed-up circadian rhythm.


Anyway, I just got off a texting spree with my best friend who was feeling apathetic due to the current circumstances she was currently in. And yeah, I guess probably like most female teenager related things, it was about love (or the lack of it). After the sending back and forth of messages, I realized this is why I've always been adamant of not having extreme feelings for someone: it's either you get hurt or you become numb.


Yeah, I guess I'm kind of satisfied with being the "neurotic excuse for a best friend".


I'm not sad. I'm just.. kind of figuring things out. The way an adult would, I guess.

I did this instead of reviewing for my long test. Fail poetry.

I tell myself it's not you
That I care about,
That I think of
before I go to sleep.


I tell everyone else it's not you
Who I dream of
Who comes to mind
Whenever someone talks 
About love.


I tell you it's not you
Who gives me butterflies
Who makes me believe
That true love does exist.


It's not you,
It can't be you,
Not because you don't know me
But because I love you
From afar.

So Close.

I don't know, if a guy plays So Close for me, and dances with me regardless of our nonexistent talent for slow dance...


I just might fall in love with him.


But until that happens, which I deem never will (unless someone reads this blog), then I'll continue to be a cynic who thinks that fairy tales should remain as cartoons because even the live action ones bring out the skeptic in me.


So close to reaching that famous happy ending,
Almost believing this one's not pretend. 

6 Word Stories

Our Literature class professor told us to make six word stories and all of us gave our all with the story-telling. I wasn't able to catch everyone's stories but here are pretty much those I heard and liked most. I'm including some of mine, of course. Haha ego boost.


Thea

• Tied around finger, remember the string.

Peal

• Through tunnels, Over fences, freedom, island.

Maddie

• Blood dripping, fangs appear, dinner time. 

Aleeza

• Men: only good for one thing. 

Gregy

• Boy meets girl. Girl gets pregnant.

Justin

• Sees hot girl. Googles her after. 
• Attempts at singing, then glass breaks. 
• Tara Reid is hot. You? No. 
• Fingernails are stupid. So I bite. 
• When intoxicated. All conversations left unfinished. 

Abbie

• Running late. Broken heel. Bad morning. 
• Friday nght. Drunk. Totally worth it. 
• Eat facebook twitter sleep. Perfect cycle.
• Kiss on forehead. Will never forget. 
• You left me. That's your loss.

Mike

• Glass of vodka. Party is started. 

Kevin

• Meet. Love. Break-up. Repeat process. 
• I fell in love without you.

Bernice

• 3 words. 8 letters. I'm yours. 

Nica

• Cute. Hot. Gay? Oh God why? 
• Looking back, I regret absolutely nothing. 
• Woke up late. Bye morning classes. 
• Walk walk walk, oh crap. ID. 

Aica

• Ding Dong Ding Shit, late again.
• Rice on the side, hello calories. 
• Great night, can't remember anything. 
• 1,2,3 AM hello pimples.
• 3 hours, chill. 30 minutes, cram. 

Marckie

• Me and you and hopefully us. 

Diana

• 6 o'clock, alarm snooze alarm snooze, 9 o'clock.

Cas

• 3 dogs, one bone, oh hell. 
• Tuna in the sky. Wait, what? 
• Facebook, profile, home, profile, notification, home.

Len

• Unintentional encounter with a fascinating stranger.

Danica

• Bang! Man down! Good to go.
• Love like oxygen. Bring gas tank.
• Wanted, working mines for crippled hearts. 

Cate

• He fell in love. She didn't.
• Cutting cadavers, it followed her home. 
• He makes a joke, cricket sounds. 

Sofie

• Dishonest people. Don't trust their lies.

Joy

• "I thought you loved me." "Loved."
• Boy likes Girl. Girl likes Girl. 
• He said "Tomorrow." Tomorrow never came. 
• He gave her roses. "No chocolates?"
• She crossed her fingers. "I do."
• She screamed. He lunged. She died. 

LJ # 1: Do you have negative or positive associations with the beginning of the school year?

If I were a Hogwarts student right now (which I'm not, boo), classes would've started yesterday. The Great Hall would've been filled with a conglomeration of students both old and new, acne-laden faces would be the greatest indicator of the youngest, the place would be wafting with the smell of delicious treacle pudding and everyone will be in bliss, at least for the start of the year.

However, I'm in the Philippines, and I'm in college, and life in Hogwarts is but a dream. That's what's sad.

But okay, assuming that this question was asked to me 4 months ago when the prospect of attending college was practically a nightmare, I would say I didn't have any positive associations.

I mean, hello, a new everything? That's not exactly a comforting thought.

But yeah, days, weeks, months passed and although I still would trade everything I have to be a high school student once again, I'm loving college. People, I guess, are more real, more harsh, and more intimidating.

That's where the fun starts.

I'm a little bit tired, I'm a little bit jaded and I need someone to tell me..

"You can make it."

Okay, so if it this blog entry hasn't made it clear yet, I've stopped with the daily entries not because I grew tired of it, but probably because I felt it became impersonal. It's kinda ironic if you think about it (which I assume you are -- thinking about it), but I think it's true. Also, you know how sometimes you just feel you have more pressing things to do than make an amalgamation of words to sum up your day? No, it wasn't tiring, it wasn't even stressful, but I realized that if I wanted to keep a daily tab of my life, I should be more involved. I have to have something that would inspire me to do it everyday. I have to have something more than self-appreciation.

Ye gads I don't know what I'm talking about already.

So yeah, I'm stopping with the daily written entries. That doesn't mean I'm stopping the writing, of course.

Just you wait, dear (nonexistent) readers. Just you wait.