It's Saturday morning now, and in a bit I'd once again subject myself to abject (subjective! Wow, play with words) pain, but I just have to write here what I feel ever since that Tuesday training day (where Francisco joined us) until last night, Friday.
Truth be told, I'm quite disappointed (maybe even annoyed) with Francisco, it's not the fact that she left that made me feel this (I mean, there are only 5 of us left, so it'd be stupid if I pour my negativity on her), but the fact that she never told anyone. That she never even tried. That she never even attempted to see the reason why we're (we're as in Veron, Jus, Espa, and Andrew - I've grown quite attached to these people, I feel awkward calling them by their surnames... at this point in time, it may be a bit early, but they're more friends than comrades now) still here, still fighting, still aiming to achieve the goal that not many people have gotten.
That aside, I feel extremely comfortable with the four now, and that's a nice thing. Right now, it's 0300h and I'm with Jus and Espa in McDo, waiting for the others to arrive. I was with Jus the whole day last night, buying stuff. Incidentally, he also was the one accompanying me last Tuesday after the trainings, when Pulido went home, and we went here in McDo to utilize the free housewater.
Last Tuesday was a considerably better experience, but it doesn't mean it was less challenging. We had to make speeches in front of our comrades, and once more I felt that uncomfortable feeling I get when I talk about my weakness - my allergy. If then, I were invited to speak of something else, I would've spoken about my favourite movie - Coach Carter - and how it's been nothing but my ray of light whenever I'm on the verge of breaking down - or when I've simply broken down completely. The PT was something I will always remember, but it's the lessons that night that I will never forget.
Oh, also, I got sick last Wednesday. Tuesday night I didn't drink my meds because I had a paper due Thursday and I made an all-nighter (8 pages of single-spaced, font-sized 11 Garamond stuff) so I woke up literally shaking. My blockmates worried, but it was Veron who told my Psych prof my condition and Jus who brought me to the infirmary.
Gosh, it's only been two weeks but I already feel home with these people.
Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
—Marianne Williamson
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