I turn a year older in..

3 hours and 35 minutes..

They say that your 16th is going to be the best year of your teenage life; it's when you're not young enough to be babied but not old enough to do everything you want to do. It's a time when you can do everything but is still bound my limitations. It's when your destination is right ahead but you're not in too much of a hurry to dive headfirst into it.

It's when you shift from an awkward adolescent with too much hunger to know the world better into a more stabilized young adult who knows what she can give to the world and not only what it can give to her.

3 hours and 25 minutes..

However, whoever claimed that true obviously never experienced the pure bliss that is the 15th year. It was in my 15th year of my existence that I did things I never imagined myself to be doing.. international competitions, having a prom date, falling in (unrequited) like, graduating, and ultimately.. entering college.

It should be banned.. you know, experiencing all these gush of experiences in a span of a year; but looking back, I'm glad to say I've had no regrets and in fact, everything had been a learning experience and something I'd treasure.

3 hours and 20 minutes..

I'm not perfect, and I don't aim to be, especially now that I realized that perfection is merely a Utopian symbol, a word so grand it shouldn't even be legal..

..but I aim to make this, my 16th, the one closest to perfection.

3 hours and 15 minutes..

Realization

Before you guys (see also: nonexistent readers) begin to think I'm some drone who looks as if she never laughs due to the influx of my 'serious' posts, I can be slightly humorous, too. I guess I just realized the reason why I'm not too keen to share my Tumblr account to everyone..

I want you guys to know that I'm more than what meets the eye.

My Tumblr's more me, I guess.. you're actually very lucky you stumbled upon this first, so you'd know who the deeper, more serious me is before you got to the happy-go-lucky persona that is me almost all the time.

(You can.. you know.. not mind this. Unless you're adamant about knowing what my Tumblr is. I suppose you could ask me.)

A birthday wishlist.

I'm turning 16 in less than a month and if there'd be something that would make me super happy (aside from a return ticket to Qatar), it'd be a Harry Potter themed gift.

I'm a self-confessed Harry Potter junkie, and with it nearing its end.. all I'd really want is to have someone, anyone even, give me something that's related to the magical world.

I'm still mentally berating myself why I'm placing this here, where no one really ever read anything I write (except me, and well, less than a handful of other people) especially since I could do it on Facebook or Tumblr, but that's what makes this extra special.. I'd be the happiest girl on my birthday if someone did find the time to go over my blog, see this entry, and grant me my wish.

I'm feeling pretty shallow for actually demanding something that should be given without pressure, and more importantly, I'm feeling very embarrassed. I'm not one to give subliminal messages, heaven knows no one has any idea what I'd want for my 16th, but I guess it's just a very important day for me and I'd want to spend it with a very integral part of my journey as an adolescent..

Here I go again.

Wish granter? There, I said my wish. Just something Potter-related. A song, a poem, a wand, anything..

Please?

Black sheep

It's bothersome how you can feel yourself change once you're brought into an unfamiliar place. I've been feeling that change, and no matter how much I try, it's trying to forcefully twist me in positions I've never been in and bring me to places I never knew I'd see myself go.

Recently, I've been trying hard to say "I'm fine" and convince people that even I am convinced. But when I find myself alone, I realize I'm not. I realize that I miss where I came from. I realize that two months ago, at this time, I was genuine when people asked me how I was and I said "I'm fine."

I can only confine my feelings to my writing because I don't like talking about myself vocally, so I'm going to say this here once; no explanations, no misgivings, no second thoughts..

"No. Right now, I am not fine."

There would be better days.

I wish this were true.

If it were, then I'd feel infinitely better about myself and about my dealings with the people around me.

Let's scrutinize, shall we?

First, wise and humble. Saying that I am humble definitely crosses that off the list. I'd like to believe that I am wise, though. I remember praying for it on my first youth camp - I believed wisdom was the best virtue. I still believe it is now.

Inspiring character - Aah, to inspire. One of the few things I wish I'd be very good at when I grow older and explore this world a little bit more. There's only one thing I want to be: happy; and three things I want to do: love, care, and inspire.

Creative bent of mind is something I wish people would think of when they hear my name.. fun to be with also, I mean, for someone whose name means happy.. I should be manifesting it to everyone, right?

Unfortunately, people around me mostly only refer to me as smart, not as someone who always smile or makes them happy.. only those who truly know me know (lack of words - sorry) that more than anything else, I love making people turn their frowns upside down.

Good looker and great dresser? I'd rather skip this part, except make it clear that I'm eccentric.. and most of the times my fashion sense isn't exactly what is required by popular culture.

Confident.. sometimes I ooze confidence. Most of the time, though.. my insecurities get the better of me. It's something I know I need to work on.

Center of attention in a crowd.. well, if you're someone like me who has an immense hunger for being attended to (I have self-diagnosed ADHD)..

I'd better not finish that one. Haha.

Love the finer things of life? Mostly. But well, who won't?

Caring..

I knew it. I'm on my way to becoming who I want to be.