I wish this were true.

If it were, then I'd feel infinitely better about myself and about my dealings with the people around me.

Let's scrutinize, shall we?

First, wise and humble. Saying that I am humble definitely crosses that off the list. I'd like to believe that I am wise, though. I remember praying for it on my first youth camp - I believed wisdom was the best virtue. I still believe it is now.

Inspiring character - Aah, to inspire. One of the few things I wish I'd be very good at when I grow older and explore this world a little bit more. There's only one thing I want to be: happy; and three things I want to do: love, care, and inspire.

Creative bent of mind is something I wish people would think of when they hear my name.. fun to be with also, I mean, for someone whose name means happy.. I should be manifesting it to everyone, right?

Unfortunately, people around me mostly only refer to me as smart, not as someone who always smile or makes them happy.. only those who truly know me know (lack of words - sorry) that more than anything else, I love making people turn their frowns upside down.

Good looker and great dresser? I'd rather skip this part, except make it clear that I'm eccentric.. and most of the times my fashion sense isn't exactly what is required by popular culture.

Confident.. sometimes I ooze confidence. Most of the time, though.. my insecurities get the better of me. It's something I know I need to work on.

Center of attention in a crowd.. well, if you're someone like me who has an immense hunger for being attended to (I have self-diagnosed ADHD)..

I'd better not finish that one. Haha.

Love the finer things of life? Mostly. But well, who won't?

Caring..

I knew it. I'm on my way to becoming who I want to be.

Nostalgia.

You know what's better than making memories?

Knowing that you can always go back to them through images captured with the heart.

International Leaders' Conference 2010.

Sanity and Forever

I never knew what love was. Heck, I never even acknowledge its existence until after that night on the 23rd. Or 24th. Or maybe in between, all this talk about space and time confuse me so. But one thing is sure, whatever that was.. it was magical.

I know I don't really act the way people set parameters for as to how normal girls should act, I know I don't even give a damn on how I look like in the mirror, nor do I comb my hair or fix it up.

I know I don't do things the way you like them to.. call me arrogant, but I guess it's you with the problem.

Just you.

I never really knew I in was love with you. Why? Because every time you talk to me, I feel normal. I don't feel light headed, no butterflies erupt in my stomach, no nasty twists and turns.

When I talk to you, I don't stammer. My heart beats normally, if not slower.. my hands cease sweating.. my confidence oozes from every deep crease from within, and radiates itself to you.

When you smile, no magical rainbows appear and no arrows puncture my heart.

Why do I love you?

And more especially, why do I love you so sanely?

Why don't days always turn for the good when I'm with you? Why does it not rain when all I want is to feel comfort? Why do birds fly when they should be singing hymns to celebrate us two?

That's how fairy tales work, and maybe - at the back of my mind - I expected things to work out the same way.

But they didn't.

And you know what, I'm glad.

I'm glad ours isn't like a fairytale. I'm glad ours isn't a magical world full of positives. I'm even glad that we experience heart aches at times.

You know why?

Because I'd rather live in a life of reality with you plus a forever, than living in a fantasy world with a prince plus a happy ending.

Forevers never end. Endings? They fear that everlasting word.

Which made me remember what you said last night..

"Which is longer, forever or an eternity?"

"Are you asking about us?"

"Yes"

"Then I will love you more than those two combined."

___________________________________

This was something I posted in a fanfiction site, I don't remember what my password is, though.. so I can't open it. One of my very first works. :)

Blue has always been his favourite color,

hers was the palest shade of green. He lived in a vast mansion were fields of roses greeted him as he woke up, she in an apartment were her only source of greenery were her mother's poinsettias.

He saw her while he was on his Bentley, waiting for the doggone traffic sign to turn green. She saw him while she was on her way to the subway, tripping on the styrofoam cups that littered the sidewalk.

He invited her to lunch that same day. She agreed.

Today he's saying his vows; she's itching to do the same.

"I do."

Evening musings

I don't know what's happening to me right now. One minute I'm ecstatic, the next I'm down in the dumps, another minute I'm wishing life should just suck everything up.

It's like turning around one minute and realizing that life just sped up and it's up to you to run - barefoot - to catch up to it, because it won't wait for you no matter how much time it's got on its hands.

I'm not being whiny, I'm just.. I can't..

I hope you're hormones. Then maybe I won't be too compelled to call myself bipolar.

Cliff.

Every time we fall, we don't just stand up.. and although this may sound more pessimistic than it really is, when we do stand up, we're more scared. More scared to fall again, to be hurt once more, and to show our vulnerability to people who believe in what we can do.

This is my story, I'm Sofia, and I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta.

What I have learned, though.. is that however scared we may become.. there's always someone who'll be there and who knows you can do everything but anticipates your fall. There will always be someone who may not give a promise of forever but a life of devotion.

He was that someone to me.

____________________________________

Forgive me for the inconsistency and the fact that at the end of the selection, I lost my train of thought. My sister entered the room and it halted my brain to make a story.

Shameless self-promotion for my nonexistent readers. xP

This here is Chopper, my brother's Pomeranian. He's 4 months old and he smells like fur. I love him to bits, though.

He bites me playfully and he loves to chew on his fur, like all dogs, and he loves company.

I love this dog, really, I do.

Whoever said that diamonds were a girl's best friend obviously didn't have a dog.

More shameless self-promotion here.

A midnight confession

Sometimes when I realize that I've got nothing better to do with my evenings, I go to my blogs and read. I look at my shallowness, my bouts of seriousness, my sarcastic humor, my weirdness - and I smile. I smile because I know that I can write. Well.

Most of the time, though.. I just wonder if I really do write well.

I'm not exceptionally good at anything, well, unless you count not blinking or moving for a long time.. and I'd like to believe that my writing skills are almost there.

But they're not.

And that's what makes me sad, sometimes.

I'm not a no-nonsense girl (too much negatives), but sometimes my affection for humour is what makes me less of a writer and more of a comedian.

*Insert temporary sad face here, it'll vanish tomorrow, hopefully.*

An almost happy ending

She slowly placed her feet down and sat on her bed, she always faced her right side since she read somewhere that sleeping on your left pressures your heart. A sigh escaped from her lips, then a slight tilt of head, slightly regretful, mostly hurt.

As she stood up she allowed a wave of memory encircle her thoughts. Was it just yesterday that he asked her that question?

Was it just yesterday that he knelt on one knee and proposed his love?

More especially, was it just yesterday that she looked at him, eyes brimming with tears and said yes?

She walked to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and longed.. she saw a half-opened pack of Chips Ahoy, 2 Cokes, a Ben & Jerry's.. all these have been his. Bitterly, she closed the frozen spectrum and took a glass, filled it with tap water, and went to the living room.

She lied down on the floor, looking up at the ceiling he painted with his bare hands last summer. Andromeda was there, her favourite. On another corner was Sirius, it was his. No movies, no sounds, just their hearts pounding as they stare up at the ceiling and discuss their lives that are much, much grander than the universe.

When her neck was strained she cautiously raised her back and with trembling hands she reached for the remote control.. the hue of the television was vicious, as was her temperament earlier that day.

She flicked it to the local news channel, and once again, her numbness disappeared and her head started to throb because of the sudden surge of emotion..

The headline said.. "Lt. Arnold Fall, Army: Found dead while fighting for country."

"I love him." was her last words before she drifted once again to space, wishing she would wake up tomorrow morning with bliss.

Serious Joy

Deny yourselves..

Carry your cross..

and Follow Me..

The ILC this year had one thought in mind, and it made sure than the 10,500 people attending it grasped that life-changing thought: that we live our lives TO THE MAX.

Like all other conferences, it was a conglomeration of people from different walks of life, from different cultures and races with different abilities, talents, and stories to tell. And like all other conferences, it made sure that the people in it went home with not only new friends, but a new perspective in life as well.

I was struck the whole weekend because I heard Him. During the first day, I heard Him tell me that I shouldn't live a life of complacency, of being just okay, of being mediocre. God slapped me, and He told me one thing: that I should always give my best. Honestly, I was thinking of Kuya Ace during that session, he always talked about those things: but then I never fully understood until this weekend.

The second and third day, God told me that I was blessed and that I shall use those blessings to bless others as well. I did not see great dancers, I did not hear great singers, I did not ogle at great speakers; instead, I saw, heard and ogled at God and at His amazing gifts to these people.

The most gratifying part of the ILC was during the second day when we had to trade something for a cross, and in that moment, I honestly believed I was in heaven. All 10 thousand of us, lifting our crosses, praying, worshipping, glorifying the One who made everything possible.. it was amazing. Although I felt like an ant in the midst of the thousands of people, I know we were thinking about two things, we were choosing to look beyond our imperfections and we were making an oath to follow only Him.

The ILC was fun, too. The sessions were amazing and although half the time I was translating, I honestly enjoyed. The competitions were cool, just goes to show that if you offer your life to God, He provides for you. :)

The Greeneration launch, the 100% Free launch, and the Youth Walk.. all those added to the amazing weekend that is the ILC. I didn't have any sleep, less than 6 hours for the whole conference.. but seriously, I'd prefer to have it all over again.

Thank you international delegates, for making me remember that we are more than friends.. we're brothers and sisters. Thank you for the laughter, the food trips, the International Balut Festival, the International Music Festival, the International Food Festival.. Winners, well, we're so cool. xP Thank you for not killing me because of my obnoxiousness. Haha.

Thank you local delegates for making me feel that I'm always welcome and that whenever I decide to join the YFC here, I'll never feel left out.

Thank you Full Timers and Mission Volunteers (especially those who were with us), for your unending patience and love and youth and huge collection of English words.

Thank you God.

For everything.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:6-7

~ Excerpt from my Facebook

Open Letter.

Dear Qatar,

I’ll miss you. I’ll miss your scorching summers where the temperature reaches up to 52 degrees Celsius and your freezing winters where the mercury drops to 8 degrees Celsius. I miss the diversity and the uniting clash of different cultures. I’ll miss how I can say elevator at one time and lift at the next.

I’ll miss your sand and the way I seek refuge in our house whenever Mother Nature decides to shout to the world how abundant you are with those particles. I’ll miss the dates - oh, those juicy dates. I’ll miss the shawarmas.. the authentic ones, mind you.

I’ll miss how I can buy things without worrying about the tax since there aren’t any (well, unless you are at a high end restaurant, then they charge you of service tax). I’ll miss how I leave the room in the morning to go to school with the airconditioner on and go home with it still on. I’ll miss the 2 aircons per classroom regardless of the size of the room!

I’ll miss how I can go home at 2 in the morning and my parents would be sleeping, unworried because they know it’s safe even if I walk alone in the middle of the night.

I’ll miss how I don’t get to go anywhere here because it’s a small country and even the slightest raucous can land you in hot water.

I’ll miss the people here. I’ll miss speaking faux Arabic to the authentic Arabs who pats me on the back and say.. “Kabayan!”

I’ll miss going to Georgetown SFS or the Education City to attend debates, and more importantly, scout for boys new friends.

I’ll miss everyone.

I’ll be back though.

With a revenge.

Mwahaha.

No, just kidding.

Love you always,
Me.

________________________________

Excerpts from my Tumblr.

We'll say hello to a new day, and goodbye to the past..

A wave for tomorrow, and a smile to what lasts..

___________________________

In two days I bid farewell to this country that I call home. No matter how much abhorrence I sometimes display to this patch of land, I have come to the conclusion that at the end of the day, it's this place that I'd still call the first.

Many people started to leave ever since the adjournment of our commencement exercises, I shall follow suit on the 2nd of April, and though sometimes, I feel jubilant about the future independence that I will encounter, I feel sad. .

Bummed out..

Forlorn..

Depressed..

It's like a whiplash. One minute you're all excited and ready to face a new life and the next you're in the dumps, wishing that time wouldn't just pause.. but stop instead.

Time, I know it's essential for you to move on, but I hope that with your moving on, our friendship does not move with you..

__________________________________

We're moving on, we're going forward..

And tonight..

We're taking a stand.