TwoZeroOneOne

You know how sometimes they say that you'll only realize how worth it something is after you go through it and look at the experience through hindsight? Or when they say that really, if you want to learn new things, you'd have to do stuff you've never thought of doing before?

That's exactly what this year was to me.

If 2010 was the year of firsts, I guess - in more ways than one - this year was a year of guts. It was this year that I tried out for something I promised myself I will only do if the hell freezes over, when I said to myself that I wouldn't do anything reckless anymore (and then doing it at the soonest most convenient time), when I told myself it will only be about acads, and nothing else (yeah, right). Ironically, though, 2011 showed me the complete opposite of what I wanted, or thought I wanted, for myself.

More than anything, this year taught me that the limits of my abilities are figments of my imagination, that if I wanted something, the only thing pulling me back was my fear... of being rejected, of disappointing people, of failing... and part of accomplishing the goal - of clinching that victory - is acknowledging my weaknesses, and kicking them in the face as I run towards my prize.

Also, this year taught me the value of trying new things... of jumping without reassurance that I'll fall in a safe heap... of not being afraid to meet people... of being open to the idea of going beyond my comfort zone, and enter my courage zone... of taking risks, taking chances, getting hurt, and making changes. This year looked me in the eye and told me that it's never about where you're going, it's who are staying with you during the whole bumpy ride, filled with pit-stops, detours, and wrong turns. It told me that happiness wasn't something out of my reach, that it was right in front of me, and all I had to was open my eyes and will it.

This year taught me that yeah, you can go through life alone, but it's going to be a crappy ride if you go solo, because no one will cushion you when you go through a bump on the road. It taught me that family isn't just biological, and whatever family I have, I'm sure it'll stick with me no matter what.

This year taught me my life won't ever be perfect, and oftentimes, things will happen that will try to shatter my beliefs... and though I can't do much about that, I can always believe that everything's going to be worthwhile in the end, that Someone out there has made plans for me, and for me alone.

I learned this 2011 that despite everything - calamities, deaths, diseases - this world is full of beautiful and compassionate people. I learned that just because we don't see heroes everyday, doesn't mean they're not around. I learned that especially not after helping the victims of Sendong, but after we packed our leftover Noche Buena and gave it to the homeless in Katipunan, who slept early because they didn't have recently ingested food they had yet to digest.

This year, I learned that ultimately, if I wanted something accomplished, I would have to do stand up and get the job done. Sure, having people around me helps, but I can't just rely on people telling me I can do it, I actually have to show them I can.

This year taught me the value of writing things down, of taking pictures, of creating things that remind me how thoroughly blessed I have been this year.

2011 taught me to open up, to listen to others, and to realize that I need people to complement me, because - and I cannot stress this often enough - I can't go through everything alone and do it well. 2011 showed me the BookBench, the YFC Web people, the AROTC, the 2nd block I have fallen in love with, the LFC and 9gag. ;)

Granted, there were times when I wanted to just lock myself up and quit, or show apathy at everything. There were times when I doubted if all I was doing was worth it, if I can find justification in the fact that I was giving up time for friends for other things which I felt - that time - wasn't as important. Hell, it was this year that I made the most number of sad and angsty blog entries... but you know what?

I honestly wouldn't have this year any other way.

And if asked if I'd go through this year again to fix all my stupidity and to do better, I'd say it was a tempting offer, but I'd turn it down. Why?

Because now that everything's said and done, my 2011 was actually perfect. In its own twisted way. Exactly how perfection is defined for me.

And yup, I sure am ready for 2012. Bring it freaking on. Happy new year, everyone! :)