7/365

Today we recognize a new face in our democracy and in our history: The Inauguration of President Benigno Simeon "Noynoy" Cojuangco Aquino III.

I've got to admit, I've been a cynic. Every time he'd go on TV during his commercials, my tongue would involuntary go all "blah" and I'd go on a head-on rant on why I believe Gibo would make the better president. I'd - on a level everyone can hear - talk about his incompetency and basically his being a novice with regards to Philippine government.

But then I listened to his speech today.

As a big fan of speeches, I wasn't really impressed by his speech maybe because the last major speech I listened to was Obama's and he just did his job as a speaker superbly. But then now that I think of it, I actually like Noynoy's more. Not because he spoke it in Tagalog (that made things harder for me, I suppose) but because he said it too sincerely it was hard to not get captured by his charisma and willingness to show to his detractors that he will be able to do the job.

I guess things like these are good for the nation, because it makes us realize that we are not merely individual people. It makes us realize that instead of sitting idly, complaining about the lack of changes we see, we should get our lazy asses off our chairs and help the newly appointed president do his job.

Although I don't really show it, I'm proud of being a Filipino.

Noynoy, make us even prouder.

6/365

No classes tomorrow! It's raining hard, though.

I actually kind of despise the rain, it brings forth a nice feeling of relaxedness, but it becomes quite unnerving too.. after a while. It dampens your mood, cancels your plans, and leaves you stuck at home praying for a brighter tomorrow. I never really liked rain, save for the fascinating sound it leaves on your roofs and the pitter patter as its raindrops knock on your window, I guess it just brings out the worst in me.

Sometimes I can compare myself with the weather here, one minute it's sunny, the next it's cloudy, the next.. it's raining like it's never rained before.

I guess I'm like that, we all are. There are times when all we feel is happiness, neutralness, sadness, anger..

and then there are times that we feel them all together.

Come to think of it, the weather's probably bipolar. Like almost all of us.

5/365

Today we had to choose: Go for the one you love or go for the one who loves you.

An excerpt from the answer I wrote:

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and I certainly don't want to be tied with someone I'm not sure I can envision my life with forever. I don't want to wake up in the morning and mentally debate with myself, asking myself what my life would've been if I chose Julia, the girl who made me young again. I don't want to look at Esperanza and see Julia's face. I don't want to hold her hand and feel the warmth of Julia's caress. I don't want to stand in front of a multitude of people, and in front of my Creator, to pledge my unending love for Esperanza when my heart's torn because it chooses Julia. I don't want to let go of something that might have been my one last shot at finding true love.

Most of all, I don't want to spend every waking hour of my life saying to myself, "What if?"

You could now safely assume that I would go for the one I love. Screw the risk of not being able to get the love back, what's important is you give yourself, and you make sure the one you love realizes that.

Oh, by the way, the moon was amazing last night. :)

Fair Luna so bright, it is only my delight..

To be showered by your splendor and might.

4/365

Went home at 2 today. Felt particularly invigorating since last night was particularly tiring (what with all the commuting!) so we (Chay and I) treated ourselves to brunch in bed and a supposed mani-pedi (turned out to be a pedi only).

What we had for breakfast: Leftovers (pizza, fettucine, khabsa) and chocolate

..and we complain why we're fat

Sometimes, although I tend to deviate from all things girly (such as, you know, pedicures), there's this guilty pleasure I feel whenever I do something like it. I guess that's just who I am. It's weird but it adds flavour to what would otherwise be the monotonous regime that is my life.

Pedi, done and over with. World domination, you're next on the list.

3/365

My friends could totally bully and embarrass me, but I'll still love them to infinity.. and beyond!

We had a sleepover and - like most sleepovers - we did things buddies would do when they're finally united after months of relentless IM's, texts and phone conversations: tell stories, give pieces of advice and have fun.

When we woke up, we decided to hang out at the mall and eat at Pizza Hut. The cheapstake in me (I admit it, okay) decided to go semi-cheapstake and treat them to a family size of star pops. What I didn't know, however, was that they were conniving with the Pizza Hut staff so that they (staff) would sing for me a birthday song.

It. Was. Downright. Humiliating.

But yep, sometimes it's the embarrassing parts that make life worth living for. ;)

It's pretty embarrassing that we played bowling after the lunch and I lost, too. I mean, considering that my dad played the game and I practically lived in the bowling centre when I was a toddler.

2/365

Girl friends: God's way of telling you that not all sisters are biological.

1/365

A friend told me once to always begin with an end in mind.

And so I begin another chapter in the book that is my life with its end: a happier, more mature self.

The fact that I'm 16 is finally dawning on me, making everything palpable and real. I may have been hesitant and scared yesterday, or ever since I realized that growing older by another year is inevitable.. but you know what?

Screw cowardice. Screw indifference towards change. Screw being stagnant.

I'm ready for the challenges and euphoria that being 16 will bring. Look out, world. *Wink*

Finally

I do not consider myself particularly emotional but the onslaught of a birthday makes you experience things you would normally not allow yourself to feel.

What I like about birthdays is the fact that everything's about you and that, even for the slightest moment, you can imagine that the world revolves around yourself, however minuscule you are in this world.

During my birthdays, I make it a point to look back on how amazing the past year has become and - in the process - mull over my mistakes, laugh at my actions, learn from my experiences.

I lay here, penning my thoughts down, having a quiet rendezvous with my thoughts while my heart is jumping for joy.

I lay here, knowing that a brighter future is just ahead.

I lay here, knowing that no one goes back to feeling worse, albeit becomes better as time passes by.

I lay here, feeling the humid air, enjoying the summer sun, relinquishing the wind.. knowing that equipped with strength, backed-up by loved ones and guided by Him, I can make each year as amazing, if not more, than the last.

I turn a year older in..

3 hours and 35 minutes..

They say that your 16th is going to be the best year of your teenage life; it's when you're not young enough to be babied but not old enough to do everything you want to do. It's a time when you can do everything but is still bound my limitations. It's when your destination is right ahead but you're not in too much of a hurry to dive headfirst into it.

It's when you shift from an awkward adolescent with too much hunger to know the world better into a more stabilized young adult who knows what she can give to the world and not only what it can give to her.

3 hours and 25 minutes..

However, whoever claimed that true obviously never experienced the pure bliss that is the 15th year. It was in my 15th year of my existence that I did things I never imagined myself to be doing.. international competitions, having a prom date, falling in (unrequited) like, graduating, and ultimately.. entering college.

It should be banned.. you know, experiencing all these gush of experiences in a span of a year; but looking back, I'm glad to say I've had no regrets and in fact, everything had been a learning experience and something I'd treasure.

3 hours and 20 minutes..

I'm not perfect, and I don't aim to be, especially now that I realized that perfection is merely a Utopian symbol, a word so grand it shouldn't even be legal..

..but I aim to make this, my 16th, the one closest to perfection.

3 hours and 15 minutes..

-

I can't wait to grow up. This'll be my month's mantra. Hopefully I get to grow up before I realize that I don't want to.

You used to be that guy..

• Who would make me laugh without even trying.
• Who would be able to make me do things I never thought I had the capacity to do.
• Who would make me smile when everything's just going downhill.
• Who I could talk to with regards to everything.
• Who I looked forward to conversing with when I was at school.
• Who inspired me to do my best and to never let anyone feel it was necessary to block the path to my dream.
• Who'd stay up with me when I had papers to pass, who'd make me sleep when I no longer had anything to do (of course I never listened) and who'd make me eat when I forget.
• Who never played DotA because I asked you to, and in the event that you did, you always used my favourite character.. and you always won.

I wish this wasn't real, I wish this was one of those fiction stories I like to write.. but it is. Every part of this is real, and every part still longs for that fleeting moment where we could reacquaint ourselves with one another and go back to where we last ended and continue.

I miss you. I hate how we don't talk to each other anymore, and how, in the event that we do, it's only the simple hi-hello.

It's been what, 8 months since you told me we should end whatever we had (heaven knows it wasn't a relationship) and in those 8 months I've been trying vainly to remove you from my system. I'm failing, though; terribly failing at it.

• Who told me that I was your favourite female in the world, and that you'll never let anything to make me believe otherwise.

Broken promises, forgotten words, ephemeral conversations.. these are all what's left of what was supposed to end in something blissful.

I hope you're happy, really, I do. I'm not on the look out for anyone yet, I wasn't on the look out for someone like you.. but you came along. :)

We begin again.

That's probably the best thing you'll ever learn in life.

We begin again. We may believe we know things, we may get to the top of our careers, and we may experience the lowest of downfalls.. but we realize one thing: nothing's ever going to remain the way it is. Everything's ephemeral, and like something that has an end..

Something has a beginning. We begin again.

Now I'm doing the exact same thing. I've been through this once in my life already, being the youngest, the most oblivious, the meek person aiming to impress those who are more superior.. it's my second time as a freshman in a college, but I've the feeling that it'll happen all the time for the rest of my life.

I'll always.. always.. begin again.

Realization

Before you guys (see also: nonexistent readers) begin to think I'm some drone who looks as if she never laughs due to the influx of my 'serious' posts, I can be slightly humorous, too. I guess I just realized the reason why I'm not too keen to share my Tumblr account to everyone..

I want you guys to know that I'm more than what meets the eye.

My Tumblr's more me, I guess.. you're actually very lucky you stumbled upon this first, so you'd know who the deeper, more serious me is before you got to the happy-go-lucky persona that is me almost all the time.

(You can.. you know.. not mind this. Unless you're adamant about knowing what my Tumblr is. I suppose you could ask me.)

Welcome to the latter part of my 2009.

I want you to know

That when you look into my eyes

I'm reminded that I'm loved

And I know with all I am that you care.

The way you look at me tonight

With all the stars of heaven shining down

Their glory embrace us and links

Two new souls, two new hearts

And I pray this never ends,

I want this to last a lifetime,

I want the both of us, our lives

Intertwined.

It's not forever, it's not endless,

But this time I want it to be..

Even if we just stare into each other's eyes..

Even for just one momentful night.

_________________________________

I remember exactly when I wrote this, and it was probably one of those nights were I was clear-headed but all I wanted to do was fly.

It sucks.

It sucks when the person you thought was it.. isn't (or wasn't, I guess). When you thought you two were going to be amazing but suddenly everything just went downhill. When you thought that it'd be something solid, but everything you worked hard for just vanished because of something you're not even sure of doing..

And the worst thing is..

He never knew. He probably never would. He'd never know that during the course of his existence in your life, you fell.. but he wasn't able to break your fall.

He'd never know that while he's happy now, you'd always stay behind that mask, saying "I'm fine," every time he asks you how you are and smiling every time he looks at you. He'd never know. Not because he never let you, but because you never let yourself.