13 January 2011

I'm back to square one.

And I'd like to make introductions. I'd like to leave all the negativity behind, the shit behind, the worries behind -- and start anew.

Hi. Call me jammed.

I'm severely mediocre. I'm average-looking (maybe even below it), I get okay grades, my life is so-so, my foot and dress sizes are medium... yeah, I'm your girl-next-door.

Only I choose not to be.

On rare days when the sun is up but the clouds are overhead threatening to cover the sun up, while the wind blows but the rain doesn't fall... that's when I feel most invincible. I love cold nights, hot chocolate, soft beds, horror movies, psychological-thrillers, BlackBerries, pillow fights, daydreaming, teaching myself how to play the guitar, laughing, writing, Harry Potter, reading in general, debating with myself.

Honestly though, if and when someone asks me what I think I'm really good at, all I could do is shrug, because I honestly don't know. Especially not if you don't consider embarrassing myself in front of many people a marketable talent.

I'm not different from anyone, although I try to be. I fall for the most outlandish guys, laugh at the lamest jokes, think of the most sensitive topics, and - when things go my way - I stand out. However, it's better compared to a sore thumb than a nicely coloured pen amidst black.

I'm not spectacular, and though I do my best, I'm pretty sure I won't ever be.

Right now, I'm just a teenager, penning my thoughts down; hoping somewhere out there, someone's reading, understanding, empathizing, contemplating, learning; and wishing, wishing that the people for whom I write this blog for know I wrote it for them. The same goes to me as well.

Throw it away, forget yesterday,
x

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